30+ Worst Mistakes Grandparents Can Make

It’s understandable to be excited to see your new grandchild right away. Not to mention, you might want to see the person who gave birth as well to check in! Don’t forget that there’s a flip side to all this, though.

Having a child physically takes a huge toll on the body, not to mention all the emotions that come with becoming a parent. So, you’ll want to make sure you remember that patience is a virtue if you don’t meet your newest family member right after their birth.

When a couple decides to add a new member to the family, that decision carries a lot of weight. You probably remember all the planning that came with having your own child!

That being said, with all of those moving parts in motion, there’s a lot going on that even you, as one of the spouse’s parents, probably don’t know about. Whether they want to have more kids or don’t, the pressure from parents to provide more grandchildren can be well-intentioned but ultimately detrimental.

Another decision that’s really up to the parents is what they name a child. Of course, they might ask for your opinion or even want your input on the decision. In general, it’s best to wait until they ask for it.

While insisting on a certain family name or continually suggesting one they’ve decided against might seem like a healthy discussion among family members, it might start to feel like pressure or butting in on a decision they’re excited to make.

As a grandparent, it’s easy to feel like the expert. After all, by then, you’ve raised your own children into adulthood! Don’t worry, either. There will definitely be times when they’ll ask for your expertise as they learn their own way.

However, it’s important to accept that they’ll do things a little differently from you. It’s nothing personal; it’s just that every parent has their own style, and new parents need the room to develop that.

A big part of accepting that your kids have different parenting techniques than you is about more than not reminding them again and again of “better” techniques. You have to practice that as well. For instance, if parents can help children talk through their emotions when they get worked up into a tantrum, you have to do that, too.

Resorting to another method you’re inclined to, like a time out or a treat to cheer them back up momentarily, might undo some of the measures parents have decided to take about the behavior.

We just discussed the importance of not undermining your children through your actions with your grandchildren. That’s just part of the concept, however. You’ll want to remember that as cute as they are, your grandchildren are like sponges.

They will remember much of what you say and do. So, if you start criticizing their parents in front of them, don’t expect them not to notice. It’s best to aim for harmony among the family when you can.

As a grandparent, you have a lifetime of stories to pass down to your grandkids. Odds are, they’ll want to hear them too! Still, you might want to be careful how much personal bias bleeds in or even which stories you want to tell.

Negative talk about other family members can cause conflict, as your grandchild likely looks up to you and will emulate the opinions you share with them.

One of the big benefits of being a grandparent is that, unless you’re raising the kids yourself, you have room to come in and be a fun figure in their life. After all, you aren’t primarily disciplining and enforcing a chore routine.

So, when you’re watching your grandchildren get upset, it’s tempting to coddle them with treats or a fun time to cheer them up. After all, you want to see them happy! Don’t forget, though, that these methods are part of helping parents build long-term skills.

Some options may not have been as widely available when you were a young parent, but now, as a grandparent, you have more factors to consider. Even if you were a parent in the early 2000s, you didn’t have to think about screen time and internet usage like you do now.

Parents often set limits on what kids can watch, where they can browse, and how long they can be on their devices to protect them and enforce good habits. Don’t let them fall by the wayside.

One major area that you might notice differences between what you and your kids do when it comes to parenting is how your grandchild sleeps. As a grandparent, it can be tempting to make sure they’re comfy with blankets and stuffed animals.

However, the American Academy of Pediatrics now recommends that babies sleep on their backs in an empty crib for the safest, most restful night of sleep.

The truth is that as time goes on and we learn more about the world around us and how our minds develop, we learn about new, better parenting practices along the way.

That means you’ll see your kids updating their parenting techniques the way you may have updated them from your own parents. After all, the best we can do as we learn new things is to adapt to them and use the new information to our advantage.

Speaking of sleep, let’s take a second to talk about routines. Do you remember how hard it was to get your child to sleep if something knocked them out of their routine for a weekend?

As a grandparent, it’s really tempting to slip in and give them a little wiggle room on the rules — including a late bedtime. This might not be a problem for older kids, but younger kids still learning sleep hygiene might find it hard to get back into the rhythm of things after a few late nights.

Sleep routines are crucial, but they aren’t the only routine that parents and children rely on to keep their lives on track and ensure everyone is learning what they need.

While it might be a different tactic than you used, following potty training rules to the letter is essential. Disrupting this routine can be particularly confusing for a child and make it hard for them to understand the concept. The keys to this process are patience and strict repetition.

If you jump back a few generations, you’d probably find that, without question, most families operated with the husband/father going to work while the mother/wife stayed home with the kids.

For various reasons, this isn’t the case anymore, and working and parenting schedules are up to the parents to decide. It’s best to be understanding when it comes to your children’s decisions around whether they stay at home with your grandkids all day or not, so long as they’re taken care of.

Another place that you might notice a difference in parenting choices between you and your children is when it comes to how your grandchild will be educated. You can’t impose on your grandchildren whether you opted for public school, private school, or a homeschooling option.

No rule says they have to do the same with their kids, whether based on education goals, personal experience, or even budget. Ultimately, parents have the freedom to make decisions that they believe are best for their children’s unique needs and circumstances.

When it comes down to it, we all want our family to be happy and healthy. Still, we have to accept that we might not know the full story and make sure we keep some comments to ourselves. As you watch your grandchildren grow, it’s natural to worry about things like whether they seem healthy or not.

However, if you start commenting on weight or indirectly centering it, you can do more harm than good. Remember, your grandkids hear and process these comments, and the effects can be harmful.

As we’ve mentioned, there are some practices that you might have done in good faith with the knowledge you had. Knowing more now, parents today might act differently. For example, you might have told your kids to “clean their plates” at the dinner table.

The goal was to make sure they ate enough of everything. Now, it’s more common to encourage children to listen to their own bodies when they’re full, which might mean a mostly empty plate, and that’s okay!

A lot of people look forward to certain things about being a grandparent. For one, you might be chomping at the bit to be the one that lights up their day with a perfectly-timed sweet. These treats are great in moderation, but make sure to listen to the parents regarding reasonable limits.

Parents might not want their children to have candy right before dinner after brushing their teeth, or when they’ve already had a bunch earlier in the day. They are just looking after the balance of their child’s diet.

When you meet your grandchild when they’re still a baby, we guess you want to hold onto them and never let go. There’s something special about your bond just then. Don’t forget that the baby just got here and is still adjusting, though!

While everyone might want a turn holding the baby, it’s important to ensure the baby returns to its parents if it’s getting fussy and the parents step in. Now that they know much, babies look to their parents for comfort often.

Some comparisons between your grandchildren and their parents are okay. Noting that your granddaughter has hobbies similar to her father’s or that your grandson has eyes like his mother’s is wonderful!

On the other hand, saying one generation was more well-behaved than the other and similar comments are off limits. The idea is that you want to stay positive here. That way, everyone feels appreciated as an individual and not like they’re in a weird competition.

Every family has their traditions, no matter what they are. Maybe you all meet up for a particular holiday or make time for Sunday family dinners. If you grew up with a tradition and taught it to your children, it’s easy to assume it’ll continue.

Then again, we urge you to remember that your kids will create their own traditions, which might not align with yours. It might be bittersweet, but it’s often a good time to accept change.

This one isn’t as much about differences in parenting styles and more about how you directly form a bond with your grandchild or grandchildren. We all want to give them the world, but it isn’t impossible.

It’s almost guaranteed that they’ll love the little promise you can provide rather than a big, exciting promise that will never come to fruition. While the latter will damage your relationship, the former is more realistic and helps you form a solid bond built on trust.

While children are growing up, they will encounter some big questions that require you to approach them with tact and sensitivity. For instance, kids will eventually ask about the big, hard-to-understand things in life, like loss or change.

It’s a good idea to meet with your kids and discuss what you’ll do if they bring these topics up. This way, everyone’s on the same page about how to proceed, no matter which trusted adult the newest family members turn to.

Unless the situation is extremely dire or gum-in-the-hair messy, getting your kids’ permission as a parent is generally a good idea before you change your grandchild’s appearance.

We aren’t talking about picking them up a new outfit here — decisions like haircuts or piercings as they age. For one, you don’t want to overstep on significant moments. Two, jumping the gun on these decisions can quickly lead to familial conflict.

This is one where we’d urge you to put yourself back in the shoes of yourself as a young parent. There were certain milestones you wouldn’t miss for the world, right?

While making those memories with your grandchildren is exciting, it’s important not to step on the parents’ toes. If they were chomping at the bit to teach their kids to ride a bike or head to a big event, make sure you’re considering them to avoid hurt feelings.

You can give your grandkids plenty of gifts without telling their parents ahead of time. A new stuffed animal or a snack that you know they love isn’t anything that will rock the boat. On the other hand, stay away from gifting pets.

Sure, nothing puts a smile on a child’s face like a puppy, but that puts a lot of the fun on the child and all the work and cost on the parents. Plus, you’re adding a living, breathing addition to the family, and that’s not something to be taken lightly.

As we said, if you gift a toy here and there, it’s a pleasant surprise that probably won’t make any waves but will put a smile on your grandchild’s face. Then again, if you have boxes of toys waiting for them, you might want to hold some off for Christmas.

It’s not that they won’t appreciate them, but they can only play with so many toys at once, and eventually, you do have to consider whether the parents have room for more right now!

When you love your grandchild, you might be urged to smother them in hugs and kisses, letting them know just how appreciated they are as a family member. On the other hand, you have to respect their bodily autonomy.

If they don’t want a hug, you have to accept that and show your affection in other ways, like hanging out to chat or offering to grab a snack for them. This helps build respect and teaches them they have authority over their bodies.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned from these tips so far, it’s how we culturally look at things that can evolve even from one generation to the next. You might notice that your kids are veering away from the “pink for girls and blue for boys” idea.

Similar to that, they may opt to toss out the concept of girls’ vs. boys’ toys, clothes, and other items. While these concepts might have had their place in the past, you have to respect them if they decide to opt for another path moving forward.

There are a few bad habits that it’s easy to slip into, but you’ll want to watch out for them. Here, we aren’t talking about guilt-tripping as if it’s intentionally malicious.

If you think you have a good or better idea about something you care about, it’s natural to want to defend it and prove your point. However, if you slip into the habit of using guilt to prove a point, you won’t actually be helping out. It can just add to the stress and high emotions of parenting.

Again, as a grandparent, we understand that you mean well. You might even feel it’s helpful to step in and perform something parental to take some of the load off. It’s important to communicate with parents about what is helpful and what may overstep healthy boundaries.

Even with the best intentions, taking control without asking can create tension. Not respecting the boundaries set by parents can also confuse young children.

When your children were young, you might have been careful about what you let them see and didn’t. After all, parents have a role in, well, being a role model. Still, that isn’t limited to them.

While you have probably had the chance to relax and act like two adults while talking to your adult child, don’t forget little eyes are watching! It’s important to remember you’ll have to bring back some of that thinking to be a role model for your grandchildren, too.

We’ve already touched on the fact that you’ll want to be careful sharing negative opinions of other family members around grandchildren as it can cause conflict. Similarly, you’ll want to be careful about what stories you tell about their parents and not necessarily in such a negative way!

That funny story about catching their mom breaking the rules might be funny one day, but maybe not right when parents are trying to enforce those same rules in the present day.

It’s no secret that young kids don’t always have the best concept of what to share and what not to share. If they hear something, they might repeat it. That can make it tempting to ask your grandchildren facts about their parents’ lives.

However, we would advise against that in most situations. It can create a lot of tension between you and your kids. Instead, approach your relationship with your grandchildren with a healthy level of trust and privacy.

As your children start their families and your family grows, you might find that you have many grandchildren with whom you have a unique relationship! It’s important to remember a rule that you probably used with your children here: there are no favorites.

While you might naturally see some grandchildren more, it’s best to try and make sure that all of your grandchildren feel as valued as they are so there are never any misconceptions.

We’ve talked at length about how to avoid mistakes as you navigate a relationship with your grandchild and a new aspect of your relationship with your kids. Yet, we want to give you some tips on how to take care of yourself, too!

While it’s tempting to take the grandkids whenever needed or to stop by and see them, it’s okay to tell your kids that you won’t be available to watch the grandbabies that weekend. It’s all about making sure everyone is happy and comfortable!

If you’re here, you’re already on the right path with this tip! This is about preparing yourself with all the knowledge you’ll need. Unfortunately, there’s no step-by-step plan for being the world’s best grandparent.

There are plenty of other grandparents out there who are willing to share their experiences, though. Like you might have talked to other parents for tips years ago, you can apply the same principle now!

A lot of kids have more than one set of grandparents. As grandparents, hearing stories about the other set of grandparents can instill a sense of competition. Don’t get trapped in a one-sided competition where you’re struggling to keep up!

Your grandchildren aren’t comparing you, so don’t set an unfair standard against yourself. You’ll have a unique relationship with your grandkids just like their other grandparents will, both with their own experiences and feelings.

If you want to have your grandkids over quite a bit, you might want to do yourself a favor and pick up a few outlet covers and a baby gate if needed. Of course, if you only see your grandkids a few times a year, it’s a lot of effort that might not even be necessary.

On the other hand, with young kids around frequently, a few babyproofing measures can help keep you from fretting, and a few laps around the house running after the kids.

As grandparents, you’re often put in the symbolic position of someone with stories, wisdom, and lessons to share. We aren’t saying that isn’t true! That said, don’t forget that your grandchildren also have a perspective to offer you!

Maybe it’s the innocence that comes with being that young or the wild imagination children seem to possess, but they can bring a unique light into your world.